My wedding was definitely an experience, and although it ended up being enjoyable, I definitely never want to have another one.

Let's see if I can remember all the things that went wrong.

our rings

I ordered his ring from the very same people who sized his finger. It was a full size too small. It would not budge past his knuckle. Of course, I had no way of knowing this until a few days before the wedding, when Thomas and the ring were in the same continent. My ring, which I had tried on just a few months before, was also not getting past my knuckle. Extreme kudos to John of Jewelry by John for fixing my ring for free (it had become slightly less circular, but once rounded out, fit fine) and Thomas' for a mere $20 (amazingly, it stretched a whole size and it looks incredible!).

corsages and bouts

We had assumed that the same woman who was doing the bouquets would also do these, but about a week before the wedding, when I was telling her what I wanted, she apologized, but said she had arthritis and they are just too small for her hands to comfortably work on. The first place I called, I got someone with a thick Asian accent who was just too difficult to communicate with. The next place I called, I said I wanted 5 bouts and 4 corsages. We discussed colors and prices and all was fine. I went in a couple days later to place the order and pay. The man I dealt with at Lynn Haven Florist was… well, I don't want to say he was rude, but just very much not friendly. I said I wanted the bouts to be green, and he launched into some spiel about how green is hard to come by unless it's Saint Patrick's Day, nevermind that the woman on the phone didn't seem to think it was all that challenging to dye a carnation light green. I didn't feel like arguing something so unimportant, so I just said to do them in yellow. We picked them up Saturday morning, and the corsages were indeed orange, and the bouts were indeed yellow. With pink speckles. There was pink all over the flowers. Which were left at home and completely unused during the wedding. Fortunately, no one (including me) gives a rip about these things. I only ordered them because Mom said I needed them.

centerpieces

I was under the distinct impression that the bouquet lady was doing these as well. In fact, I very much recall her being excited about doing decorations for the reception. At about noon on Saturday, Mom tells me to get in the car. I ask where we're going, and she says, "First we're going to Publix, and we need to get flowers from the little man." a) I thought these were two separate tasks, due to the way she phrased this. b) She said "the little man" as if I was supposed to know wtf that was. I asked who the little man was, and she angrily explained that it quite obviously refers to the Publix flower dude. I asked what flowers the little man had that we needed to get, and she said centerpieces. But I thought Tracy was doing those. "Well she didn't." It was in that tone that I've learned means, "do not ask me for more information right now, in no uncertain terms." The little man had just clocked out, so there was no flower dude on duty. Some other guy, a bit too bewildered to be that friendly, but willing to help nonetheless, ran around the store helping us find things suitable as centerpieces. We ended up with 8 potted floral arrangements, which, especially considering the timeframe and price, were actually pretty fantastic.

bouquets

I asked for orange and yellow silks for the bridesmaids, and orange, green, yellow, and white real flowers for me. I was having pictures done about a week before the wedding, so I also asked for a silk bouquet I could use for those pictures. We had believed, I still believe quite reasonably, that when Tracy came over a few hours before the photo shoot, that she would be dropping off an already-completed silk bouquet in the colors I requested. I had even sent a list of flowers in those colors that I liked and are in season. Instead, she sat at the kitchen table and put it together right in front of us over about half an hour. After a few times asking, she did eventually remove all the pink flowers and replace them with pale yellow flowers that were nothing like the bright yellow flowers I suggested. She did tell me repeatedly that she just loves that pale yellow. I don't really get hung up on things like this, but it did make me wonder how she'd fare with a normal bride. She had asked if I wanted a round bouquet, or a flowy, drapey kinda deal, and I said round. What I got was more of a kidney. I really was not all that impressed, and I'm pretty sure I could have done it myself in less time, as I would have listened to myself the first time when I said not to use pink. On the day of, Mom said that Tracy was so pleased with the beautiful flowers she acquired, she decided to do the bridesmaids' in real flowers as well as mine. Sounds great. They were white and yellow, which is not orange and yellow, but again, I don't really get hung up on these things. My bouquet, on the other hand, was peach and blue. I do know that not a single person at the wedding gave a crap, but seriously, wtf? I didn't like it at all. It was ugly. And one of the lilies fell out as soon as the bouquet was handed to me. And the stems were covered in satin or some crap and it was extremely difficult to hold.

getting dressed

For weeks, Mom and I had said about a million times that she and I would go to the hotel room where Thomas and I were staying Saturday night, and that's where I could get dressed and ready without Thomas seeing me before the wedding. On Saturday, I told Thomas that I was leaving with Mom to go do decorations and to get dressed in the hotel room without him seeing me. He asked where he would get dressed, and I told him he'd get dressed there at the house before leaving. My dress is big. His suit is small. It's much easier for him to do it first. Mom and I get to the hotel room. I get undressed and take a quick shower (more of a rinse, really) as it was pretty hot when we set up the décor. Before I can leave the bathroom, Thomas knocks on the door. My dad sent him up to get dressed. Mom hid the dress in the closet, and I was stuck in the bathroom, naked, for half an hour. If any of you were guests at my wedding, and you were wondering why we started late, this would be it. We hadn't scheduled for the naked half-hour in the bathroom.

music

I picked the songs I wanted, and Thomas put them in playlists and uploaded them to his iPod, because every stereo worth more than about $20 has a line-in, so no problem, right? The Marriott's "sound system" (cheap boombox) does not. So in goes the CD, and my aunt is stationed there to hit the track forward button at the right times. I don't know if she was confused, or dad and I were confused, or if it was because no one anticipated that I'd be walking in from a place where I can't hear the music (due to a screw-up yet to come on this list), but I walked down the aisle to some song other than the one I wanted. I'm not sure what it was. It doesn't really matter. It was pretty.

unity sand

There was supposed to be a funnel. There wasn't. We had to take turns pouring a little bit in at a time, and occasionally spilling it onto the ground or ourselves. Well, it was fun anyway.

weighing fish

This would be the big one. No one at 30º Blue bothered to mention sometime in the last three or four months, much less at the time of booking the date with them, that the Annual Billfish Tournament would be going on at the same time as my wedding. Right next to my wedding. Poor Nic had to conduct the ceremony while competing with comments on very loud loudspeakers, announcing how much each fish weighed, who caught it, who was first mate on the ship, etc. Not to mention the cheering from the thousands of spectators awed and excited about the very large marlins and tuna. We read in the paper that the billfish tournament would be going on at Bay Point, which was news to us. I called Amber at 30º to ask why this was not mentioned before and how this would affect my wedding. She assured me that my wedding was early enough, at 6:30pm, that nothing in the tournament would interfere. No one was showing up until at least 7, she said. Then later she called to mention that she just found out that everyone would be charged $10 to enter the grounds, so she was working on a way to allow my guests to circumvent this charge. She said she would get parking passes for our guests. I asked how I should get these passes to my guests the day before the wedding. Oh, hmm, well. How about I give her a list of guests instead, and then security will get the list and allow those people in. The email to her bounces back. I call to tell her that her email is bouncing, and she says, nevermind, they don't want a list anyway. Guests can simply say they are coming to the Strother wedding, and they'll be let in. Amber also suggested several times that we move the entire wedding and reception to the Marriott hotel instead. Not having ever seen the hotel, tasted the food, spoken to anyone there, and all those other things you do when you plan weddings, and not having any way to inform our guests that the location has changed the day before the wedding, neither Mom nor I saw this as an option at all. When my mom and aunt arrived in the morning to set up some of the outdoor décor, instead of finding an open grassy area by the pool, as we'd been planning all along, they found large tents, a pirate ship façade, and about a billion people fishing, talking about fish, and/or drinking beer. After a lot of arguments, threats, tears, and sweat, it was finally decided that I could come out through the dining room of the restaurant, under a large ridiculous tent, and down to the grassy area past the pool. Not quite the original plan, but it will work. Amber, the general manager, and various other people repeatedly reassure us that no one will come until 8:00 for the billfish weigh-in, so there should be no more glitches with the wedding. Imagine my pleasure when I golf-cart from the hotel to 30º and find a billion people cheering in front of a jumbotron screen displaying fish weights. And lest we forget, a giant pirate ship façade. At some point during the ceremony, an announcer blasted on to let us know that a ship called Sweet Release was sailing past in the background. I know all of my guests were dying to know the name of that ship. Well, it was pretty much nothing like it was supposed to go, but it was funny. I enjoyed myself. And Nic made it great, explaining how the ceremony is much like real life, with distractions vying for our attentions. Everyone at the reception said it was truly beautiful and they had a great time. What more can you ask for?

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