Archive for March, 2010

I know. My blogging has been not-so-consistent *cough* lately, and all I need is another weekly theme, right? Well, I didn’t make this one up, and it inspired me, so I’m doing it.

So, some people write about a topic and then we link to each other. Pretty simple. This week’s topic is child spacing, i.e. how much time you get between siblings. This is a topic near and dear to me, as someone pregnant with my second child. When Thomas and I were discussing when and if to try to for a second child, like I’d imagine most people do, we looked to our own experiences.

I am the youngest of three. I have two older brothers who are 15 months apart, and then I am the “oops” three years later. (A much-loved “oops,” mind you… I have no problem with being a surprise baby! ) I loved and still love my brothers, but I always kinda felt like the third wheel. Probably due to a combination of shared gender and proximity in age, my brothers were always closer to each other than either of them were to me. I wished I had a sister so I could have that closeness too.

Both of my parents are the older siblings to same-sexed younger siblings. My father is two and a half years older than his brother, and they were reportedly very close growing up. Mom tells me that Dad insisted that two and a half years was the perfect spacing, because he was so happy with it himself. My mother is eight years older than her sister, and never felt close to her at all until they were both adults.

My husband has a brother three years older, and a twin sister. As far as I can tell, he’s not particularly close to either of them. He’s just not a very social person in general. I mean, he loves his family, but there’s just nothing that compares to what I’ve seen between my own brothers.

This was the information we had when we started the discussion. Based on this admittedly paltry information, it would seem that two and a half years or less is good, and three years or more is bad. Except that twins are less than two and a half years, and is apparently meaningless. I decided that 15 months was ideal, because then I could get this whole baby-making thing over with as quickly as possible. (In case this is your first blog entry of mine, I friggin’ hate being pregnant. Just sayin’.) Thomas was ok with that.

Unfortunately, my body wasn’t ok with that, and I still wasn’t ovulating at that point. So started a small internal debate on what I wanted more: to keep nursing Dagmar, or to get pregnant. (I only nursed her a couple times a day, so it seemed I was one of those that just has to full out QUIT.) I decided to keep nursing, partly because that’s easier, partly because our flat is too small anyway, and probably, if I’m honest, also because I friggin’ hate being pregnant. I didn’t stop nursing, and I ended up pregnant anyway, and assuming all goes well and healthily, our kids will be 25 months apart. Still within the happy window determined by our small range of experience.

It remains to be seen if this will actually be good spacing for us. I am, admittedly, nervous about two kids in our tiny flat. It’s also worth noting that in our short list of examples, all the happy spacings are also between same-sex siblings. What if I have a boy? Will that matter? What if he or she is just not a very social person, taking after Thomas? Is there such a thing as good and bad spacing for a child like that?

Some people, I’m sure, think I’m nuts. There seems to be a popular belief that having two children in diapers is exponential more of a PITA than having one child in diapers. How could I possibly want to have another child when the first one is still in diapers? To be honest, I don’t understand the intense focus on diapers. Maybe that’s because I don’t have two kids in diapers yet, but at this point, all I can think is, “they’re just diapers.” I so don’t care. So I’ll either be doing more laundry or taking the trash out more often. Whatev. I don’t see that as a reason to not have a kid yet.

Some other people, I’m just as sure, think I’m very lucky. After all, not everyone gets the spacing they want. My grandparents didn’t plan to have a big gap between their children; it just didn’t happen any sooner for them. I can only imagine the heartbreak involved in that. My parents didn’t plan on the tiny gap between their children either; they were told they couldn’t conceive again! Whoops! I didn’t get the 15 months, but I did end up within the timeframe I had decided was good, and I didn’t even have to menstruate in the middle. That is pretty lucky.

Let’s see if I still feel lucky after baby number two is here….

You might have noticed, I didn’t really get back up to speed after all. I don’t want to make a big deal whining about a situation I knowingly and willingly put myself in, but I will just say that pregnancy is hard on me, physically and emotionally, and one side effect of that is my blog not getting the care and feeding that it deserves and is used to.

I even got my first ever blog award, and I haven’t had the energy to post it. Please don’t think this means I am any less grateful. I seriously clapped and did a little chair dance when I saw it.

I will be back when I can. Until then… *mwah*