Archive for January, 2009

I find the fact that Emma Darwin bore ten children after the age of 30 somewhat inspiring. (Two died in infancy, but this was the mid-19th century, after all.)

I wondered how long it would be before I found another FF. Not long.

Forward-facing, as in car seats. Thank you, parenting forums.

I’ve informed Herlev Kommune that I’d like to do e-Learning Danish courses at Ballerup Sprogcenter. Now I just have to wait for the school to contact me about a placement interview, and then it’s on to learning Danish officially! With e-Learning, I only go in every other Saturday, which means I get to stay home with my sugar bean during the day and spend time with my hubby in the evening. Hooray for e-Learning!

I’ve officially given up on Apple Mail as an RSS reader, and although they don’t want to make the transition easy, I’m slowly making my way to Google Reader. In the process, I’m weeding out some feeds since I don’t have time to read all of them anyway. If your blog frequently discusses make up and/or how your love for Jesus makes you do stupid things, it probably didn’t make the cut. Sorry. We can still be friends, though.

While in the States, I found a few cross-stitch projects for cheap. I finished the first, which is one of those informative baby plaques with D.L.’s birthday, length, and weight. I had wanted to have one done sooner, but the selection in Denmark sucked. I like the results though. Now I’m on project 2, which is my first foray into stamped cross-stitch. I’ve always done counted, and this is a bit weird, but I loved this quilt that much. It combines three of my loves: D.L., animals, and onomatopoeia.

Thomas and I still feel mildly ill. It’s getting really, really old.

Most mommy forums seem to be frequented only by moms who believe whatever they’re doing is right, obvious, and proof they love their child more than everyone else. Either babywearing is the cure for all society’s ills, or it’s a painful, confusing, baby-spoiling device. Either you’re a sadomasochistic baby-hater for making your baby cry it out, or you’re a sadomasochistic brat-maker for not letting her cry it out. Either you’re a sheeple who drank the kool-aid from big pharma for vaxing, or you’re a crazed, braindead conspiracy loon for not vaxing.

Here’s the real deal:
1. We all love our babies.
2. We’re all doing what we think is best for them.
3. We’re all going to screw up sometimes.
4. It’s ok to like your sling, your pram, your crib, your co-sleeping arrangement, your formula, your boobs, keeping your cat locked out of the baby’s room, letting your cat in baby’s room, or whatever else you’re doing, and it’s also ok for other people not to want those things.
5. No matter what of those things you’re doing or using, sometimes life is hard. I don’t care what all those sugar-coated posts say.
6. Even if you’re wrong, it doesn’t make you a sheeple, a loon, a baby-hater, or a moron.
7. …unless you ask emergency medical questions, like “My baby has blood coming out of all her orifices and has cried non-stop for a week. Should I call a doctor or is there a homopathic remedy I can apply while beating a drum and singing an ancient Celtic war song?” on an internet forum. Then you might be a moron.

But I bet you still love your baby.

…and the best thing I can do is fill out a blog meme.  I do have a sleeping baby in my lap, and I wouldn’t want to wake her, so…

Boldificatenate the ones you’ve done.

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightning at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors (some of them, anyway)
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check (once, and it wasn’t my fault!)
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy (It’s Dagmar’s now.)
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar (yuck)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox (twice)
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person (but I don’t remember it, seriously)
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee (maybe, I was stung by something but never saw it)
100. Ridden an elephant

I got bored and made a twitter account. I blame Thomas for getting sick and leaving me with no one to talk to.

I’m still exploring the twitter universe that I was resisting for so long. Gosh, next thing you know, I’ll be opening an etsy shop.

P.S. It kinda sucks that I can’t file posts in categories when I use this iPhone app. If any of you know of a free app that lets me do that, tell me quick before I get annoyed and pay for one.

So many Americans and other expats in Denmark seem to take particular delight in complaining about how rude Danes are. I had to leave a mailing list a while back because it was an endless bitchfest that often crossed into the offensive towards those of us who chose to marry one of those heartless assholes. Other than a notable lack of bus seat offers during my pregnancy, I just haven’t noticed this supposedly pervasive rudeness. Customer service is bad, but it’s always bad pretty much everywhere outside the US (and even in areas of the US, for that matter). Maybe I just define rude differently.

Now I have a story for the next person who wants to tell me how rude Danes are.  Picture it.  I’m standing in line at Føtex.  I have a full basket of groceries, and I’m wearing D.L. in a mei tai.  There’s a man ahead of me (we’ll call him Svend, because I like naming stuff) with just a couple things in his basket, and then a lady ahead of him (we’ll call her Mette) putting her items on the belt.  There’s also a woman behind me (say, Vibeke).  D.L. fusses a bit, so I start bouncing and talking to her.

Just as Mette finishes putting her things on the belt, Vibeke pops in front of me and says some stuff in Danish that I don’t understand.  She grabs my basket, and I get very confused for a moment until I realize she’s lifting it up to the belt for me!  Svend was unloaded in no time at all, so it was my turn right away, and the basket is up there ready to go!  I’m mentally preparing an enthusiastic thank-you in Danish for when she faces me again.

But wait a m… no way!  Vibeke is unloading my basket onto the belt!  She’s stacking my empty basket away and putting the divider behind my stuff on the belt!

People, I am telling you she did everything but pay for it.  I am still in shock.  Wow!  I gave her the biggest mange tak I could manage.  Danes are rude, my ass!

I realize I’m getting to this a bit late, but that’s what happens when I go on vacation, have jetlag, am mother to a small child, etc. etc.  We’ll all live.  Another atheist meme, courtesy of Friendly Atheist.  Fun and cute, but I won’t actually be using it a checklist.

1. Participated in the Blasphemy Challenge.
2. Met at least one of the “Four Horsemen” (Richard Dawkins, Daniel Dennett, Christopher Hitchens, Sam Harris) in person.
3. Created an atheist blog. 
4. Used the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a religious debate with someone.
5. Gotten offended when someone called you an agnostic. (I’m an agnostic as well, so….)
6. Been unable to watch Growing Pains reruns because of Kirk Cameron.  (I don’t think I’ve had the opportunity to watch them, if I wanted to.) 
7. Own more Bibles than most Christians you know. (This was true before I moved to Denmark, but they were taken to Half Price to lighten my load.)
8. Have at least one Bible with your personal annotations regarding contradictions, disturbing parts, etc.
9. Have come out as an atheist to your family.
10. Attended a campus or off-campus atheist gathering.
11. Are a member of an organized atheist/Humanist/etc. organization.
12. Had a Humanist wedding ceremony.
13. Donated money to an atheist organization.
14. Have a bookshelf dedicated solely to Richard Dawkins.
15. Lost the friendship of someone you know because of your non-theism.
16. Tried to argue or have a discussion with someone who stopped you on the street to proselytize.
17. Had to hide your atheist beliefs on a first date because you didn’t want to scare him/her away.  (If it would scare them away, why would I be interested in them?) 
18. Own a stockpile of atheist paraphernalia (bumper stickers, buttons, shirts, etc).
19. Attended a protest that involved religion. 
20. Attended an atheist conference.
21. Subscribe to Pat Condell’s YouTube channel.
22. Started an atheist group in your area or school.
23. Successfully “de-converted” someone to atheism.
24. Have already made plans to donate your body to science after you die. (Crap.  I need to do that.)
25. Told someone you’re an atheist only because you wanted to see the person’s reaction.
26. Had to think twice before screaming “Oh God!” during sex. Or you said something else in its place.
27. Lost a job because of your atheism.
28. Formed a bond with someone specifically because of your mutual atheism (meeting this person at a local gathering or conference doesn’t count).
29. Have crossed “In God We Trust” off of — or put a pro-church-state-separation stamp on — dollar bills.
30. Refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance.
31. Said “Gesundheit!” (or nothing at all) after someone sneezed because you didn’t want to say “Bless you!” (Now I get to say, “prosit” like everyone else, though.) 
32. Have ever chosen not to clasp your hands together out of fear someone might think you’re praying.
33. Have turned on Christian TV because you needed something entertaining to watch.
34. Are a 2nd or 3rd (or more) generation atheist.
35. Have “atheism” listed on your Facebook or dating profile — and not a euphemistic variant.
36. Attended an atheist’s funeral (i.e. a non-religious service).
37. Subscribe to an freethought magazine (e.g. Free Inquiry, Skeptic)
38. Have been interviewed by a reporter because of your atheism.  (Reporter?  No.  Ph.D. student, for a thesis?  Yes.)
39. Written a letter-to-the-editor about an issue related to your non-belief in God.
40. Gave a friend or acquaintance a New Atheist book as a gift.
41. Wear pro-atheist clothing in public.  (I want an “axial tilt” shirt, but haven’t spent the money on one yet.) 
42. Have invited Mormons/Jehovah’s Witnesses into your house specifically because you wanted to argue with them. 
43. Have been physically threatened (or beaten up) because you didn’t believe in God.
44. Receive Google Alerts on “atheism” (or variants).  (I didn’t know about Google Alerts until right now.  Neat.)
45. Received fewer Christmas presents than expected because people assumed you didn’t celebrate it.
46. Visited The Creation Museum or saw Ben Stein’s Expelled just so you could keep tabs on the “enemy.”  (Would do, only if it were free.)
47. Refuse to tell anyone what your “sign” is… because it doesn’t matter at all. (“Refuse” seems a bit strong but I’m usually clear I don’t believe in it, and when someone asked me what sign my baby was going to be, I honestly answered that I had no clue.)
48. Are on a mailing list for a Christian organization just so you can see what they’re up to…  (Rather I ended up on one, and chose not to unsub.)
49. Have kept your eyes open while you watched others around you pray.
50. Avoid even Unitarian churches because they’re too close to religion for you.

Ranking?
0-10: Impressive, but not too far from agnosticism. There’s quite a bit of room for improvement, so I’ll keep updating it.
11-20: You are, literally, a “New Atheist.” But you now have something to strive for! Go for the full 50!
21-30: You are an atheist, but babies aren’t running away from you. Yet.
31-40: You are the 5th Horseman! Congratulations!NOT BAD EH!?
41-50: PZ Myers will now be taking lessons from you.

Chart A

If your filing status is… Married filing separately

AND at the end of 2008 you were… any age

THEN file a return if your gross income was at least… $3,500

gross income: $0

*chucks tax forms in trash*

Ah, that feels good.