Archive for the ‘Frankly Foreign Friday’ Category

Some people have this belief that, because science hasn’t yet explained absolutely everything, then anything is possible.

No.

Sometimes you have some information, and not all of it, but enough that you can eliminate some of the possibilities. Let’s say you look at something in the dark. You might be able to tell, for instance, that the right side is lighter than the left side, but you can’t really tell what colors it is. This is enough information that if someone said to you, “the right side is black and the left side is white,” that you could say, “that’s not true.” Black is not lighter than white. That possibility has been eliminated, and “but you don’t know what colors it is,” isn’t a very good come back, is it?

This is kinda like science. We don’t know everything, but we do know a lot of stuff, and some of what we know means that your crazy idea is not possible. “A-ha!” you say, “but science has been wrong before!” Yes, that’s true. It still doesn’t mean anything is possible.

People used to think that the sun revolved around the earth, and now we know that the earth revolves around the sun. With the information that we used to have… sunrises, sunsets, and so on… both of these scenarios could account for our observations. If someone suggested that, actually, neither the sun nor the earth move at all, that would not account for our observations. It doesn’t make sense, and it was never possible, because we can see movement. So while science was indeed wrong about which body was revolving around which, the field was never completely open for any and all suggestions about the relationship between the sun and the moon.

The next time someone snorts and says science hasn’t yet explained homeopathy or acupuncture or the Virgin Mary in your French toast, but that’s only because science hasn’t caught up to their awesomeness yet, remember this. Science is never going to explain homeopathy, because it’s not possible. We don’t know everything, but we do know enough to say that the proposed mechanism for homeopathy is nonsense, and we have observed time and time again that it is not efficacious. It isn’t that science hasn’t figured it out yet; it’s that homeopathy is crap. And actually, science has explained your toast’s Virgin Mary. It isn’t my fault if you don’t like the explanation.

There are plenty of things that truly are still possible, and that’s what makes science so cool. There’s always more to be learned! Just be careful to recognize there are still limits, and some of what people are claiming is like saying the sun and moon don’t move at all.

What does it take to get you offended? What about deeply offended?

In the United States, there has been a growing number of billboards going up in various cities over the past year or so. They feature a blue sky with clouds in the background, and the words, “Are you good without God? Millions are.” Typically there is also a URL for the sponsoring group, which usually has a name like {City or State name} Coalition of Reason or {City or State name} Atheists.

Inevitably, the billboard goes up, and then the local news station does a story about the new controversial billboard. They interview concerned citizens who say they are offended at the existence of this billboard.

I just. Don’t. Get it.

At all.

One man even said it was a slur to Christians. Funny how Christians aren’t even mentioned on the billboard. All it says is that some people exist who are good people and also happen not to believe in God. Perhaps you disagree with that statement. Perhaps your definition of “good” requires a God belief. I still don’t see how it’s offensive.

This is something that has puzzled me for a while now, and I often thought to myself that there are so many billboards, signs, buildings, etc. that effectively say “Christians exist” and “Muslims exist” and “Jews exist” and I don’t find that offensive at all. I also thought to myself that if there were a billboard with the Bible verse about how the fool says in his heart there is no God, and someone said they were offended, I bet Christians would come out of the woodwork to cry intolerance. Probably the same ones who are offended by the atheist billboard.

Anyway, yesterday, I’m sad to say, I came across another stupid “I’m offended” comment, this time from an atheist who is effectively offended by the fact that Christians dare to say aloud that they exist. There was a discussion about how the box the Bumbo seat comes in has a “Jesus fish” on it, and, at least in more recent productions of it, the Bumbo itself has one on the bottom as well. (For my non-spawning audience, the Bumbo is a stupid foam chair you can put infants into to force them to sit up before they can physically do so on their own. For some reason, it’s popular.) Several people expressed surprise at the overt religious symbols, and some said they wouldn’t buy one, or wished they hadn’t bought one, because of it. I guess that’s your prerogative. If you don’t want to buy products from people who are open about their religion, no one’s going to force you to. Personally, if I wanted a Bumbo, I’d still buy one regardless of the fish on the box. I don’t want one, because I think they are stupid, but I thought they were stupid long before I knew about their packaging. (Others find them stupid too, by the way.)

Then yesterday, someone posted that they were deeply offended about the Bumbo packaging. Really? Why?

I just. Don’t. Get it.

Chic-fil-A is another company that is open about their Christian ties. They’re closed on Sundays, and don’t make any bones about WHY they’re closed on Sundays. It’s a slight bummer if you’re craving a chicken biscuit early on Sunday morning, but otherwise I can’t find it in myself to give a rip. I like the food, and I’ll eat there. If I didn’t like the food, I wouldn’t, even if I were Christian. Their business is selling food, so that’s what I base my decision on. I don’t understand why someone would be offended that the owner of a fast food chain fails to kowtow to “the norm” in favor of standing up for his own beliefs. He thinks they should be closed on Sundays, so he decided to make it so. Good for him. Why would I be offended? And why is that different that putting a fish on a box? Who cares?

I’ve heard this kind of thing before, a lot. Someone explain it.

“I’m a week late every month!”

What does that mean? Seriously. If it happens every month, then that’s just… how it is. It can’t be late. It’s normal. Perhaps you mean to say “my cycle is a week longer than I want it to be” or “my cycle is a week longer than it was at some other point in my life.” But to say you’re late by the same amount of time every single time your period comes is kinda like saying “I’m 5’3, but when I get measured with an accurate yardstick, it always says 5’2.” Well then, honey, you’re 5’2.

Unless I’m missing something. What else could it mean?

I know I said I was over Christmas, but now that Christmas is actually long over, I’m ready to think about it again.

Let’s talk Santa.

For the sake of argument, let’s assume that you have at least one child old enough to have conversations with, you celebrate Christmas, you’re living in a culture where Santa-belief is normal in children, and you don’t feel the need to explicitly tell your child that Santa isn’t real. I realize that not all my readers fall into those categories, but it’s not the first time I’ve asked you to pretend, right? So we’re pretending.

These are all things that I can understand, and my point is not to debate them. What I want to know, is if you’ll go that step further to actively and explicitly lie about the existence of Santa, and if so, why? Why is there this whole battery of tools designed with no other purpose but to convince children that Santa is real? And I don’t mean vague junk like the “Yes, Virginia” letter. I mean things like NORAD Santa and paying money for fake pictures of Santa in your living room. I get going along with it when your kid declares there’s a Santa. But I don’t get spending an hour putting “reindeer prints” on the roof so you can point to them the next morning and say, “Look! Reindeers really were here!”

So, I just want to know, what’s the point? Anyone?

One of the things that has been going around the internet, apparently, is some junk to do with Jennifer Love Hewitt and vajazzling. If you haven’t heard about this yet, it’s probably highly googlable. Anyway, it bothers me, but probably not for the reason you think.

I don’t care what Jennifer Love Hewitt or anyone else does to make themselves feel better or happier, as long as it doesn’t affect me. Few things could possibly affect me less than the nether regions of a celebrity I have never met, will never meet, and isn’t even associated with any TV shows or movies that I enjoy watching. So, whatever.

I also hate the miserable excuse for a word vajayjay, and I’m not even sure if that’s better or worse than calling it her “precious lady.” But that’s not what I’m ranting about either.

The first syllable in vajazzling, and the entirety of vajayjay refer specifically to the vagina, and she’s not bedazzling her vagina. I know it’s a stretch, but let’s just assume, for the sake of argument, that genital bling, in general, is not pointless. I’ll pause while you attempt to wrap your head around that.

*elevator music*

With me yet? Oh, all right. I’ll give you some more time.

*soft jazz*

OK, so we’re pretending it’s not pointless, right? Well, if it’s in your vagina, it would be. The vagina is inside. No one can see your bling there. I realize we’re not talking about something with a large audience in the first place, but when I say “no one” here, I really do mean “no one.” There would be too much work involved and not enough reward for your sig other to go hunting for your vaginal rhinestones.

If you’re doing something to the bits that are actually visible without a flashlight and spelunking expedition, you’re doing it to your vulva. Saying vagina when you mean vulva is like saying mouth when you mean face. I know they both start with the same letter, but they’re not the same thing. Really, it shouldn’t be that hard, and we don’t need people like Jennifer Love Hewitt trying to blur the lines and make it even more difficult to accurately describe one’s anatomy.

It should be vuljazzling. Or nonexistent. One of the two.

Tuesday was my first day back in Danish classes after Christmas break. The way my language school does things is every student gets a letter in the mail telling them what room to go to on what day and who your teacher is. That’s pretty much it for communication.

Several months ago, I asked my teacher if I could switched to online courses. He said he’d look into it, and then a couple days later, I got a letter in the mail.

When I realized the “online courses” actually have absolutely nothing to do with online learning at all, I emailed the school asking if it was possible to switch back. They didn’t reply to my email, but a couple days later, I got a letter in the mail with a room number.

You might be wondering what other communication I might want. Isn’t that enough? Well, imagine my surprise when I show up to my first day of evening courses again after that letter and realize I’m in module 3 instead of module 2. I would have liked to have known that, for example.

Well, it happened again.

I passed the module 3 test with flying colors in the beginning of November. The module 4 class didn’t meet for the next two weeks, for reasons that were never explained to me at all. My first module 4 class wasn’t scheduled until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I remember, because I was debating whether I should plan to be absent on Thanksgiving, but then on Tuesday I got an email that class was cancelled. I decided I should probably go to my first day, especially since we weren’t actually planning to do anything on Thanksgiving Day anyway, so that was my first day. When I show up, I’m informed that I’m one of about 4 people in the class that AREN’T taking the module 4 test the next week, so we’re going to spend all our time preparing for the test. You know, the one that’s a full module ahead of the one I just took. The one I’m not expected to take for another six months. This is not the best use of time for me. I understand why it happened, but I’d just as soon have stayed home.

The next week, my teacher had to administer the text to most of the class, so we had a substitute those two days. I can’t say I didn’t learn anything, but again, it wasn’t the best use of my time. The week after that, we actually had one day of normal class on Tuesday, and Thursday was a Christmas party. So I’ve had two weeks of module 4, and 75% of that barely counts.

The teacher said everyone would be getting a new teacher after the break, so when I got my letter in the mail, I wasn’t surprised. What surprised was showing up on Tuesday and finding out I’m in a module 5 class.

Before I could protest this, the teacher said we would be talking soon about my situation. OK, fine. I’ll wait. We didn’t get a chance to talk that day, but we talked yesterday. I asked why I was in the class, and he said he thought it was strange too, but it must be because I’m taking the final test in June. I said I didn’t want to take it in June, and he said, well, then you shouldn’t be in this class. It was that simple. I was relieved I didn’t have to explain myself or argue about it, but I’m still a bit confused as to why I had to say it at all after the conversation I had with my previous teacher just a few weeks ago. Whatever.

So I grabbed my bag and my coat and went straight to another classroom. Now I’m in a module 4 class with module 4 people.

I liked the module 5 teacher. I had him for module 1, and I think he’s a really good teacher, and a nice person, and I’m a bit sad I left his class because of that. Also, I understand him really well. I don’t know what it is, but some Danes are just easier for me to understand than others. He doesn’t talk slowly or annunciate like mad or anything obvious like that, but I never have any problems understanding him. My new teacher, on the other hand, drives me crazy because I never have any idea what she’s saying even though I’m sure I know every word. So on the one hand, it’s frustrating to have her, and on the other hand, I need to be able to understand whatever Dane I encounter, so it’s probably best that I have the more difficult one.

I also liked the module 5 students. They were more confident and had fewer mistakes. I felt like I was more on par with their proficiency in Danish. The module 4 students don’t like answering questions in class, and when they do, I often have a hard time understanding through their thick accents and problems with grammar and usage. On a long-term, practical level, it’s less useful to be able to understand them. It might help me learn to be patient though.

I still think I made the right decision. I want to really learn this stuff, and really know it. I want it to be second nature. I want to be able to think in Danish. If I rush it and do just enough to get through the tests, that won’t happen. I know I could pass module 4 now, but then I’d miss out on all the lessons that go with that, and if I want lessons later, they cost me money.

So here’s to module 4. May I begin to understand raspy, mumbly Danish women more easily, and to put my adverbs before my verbs in subordinate clauses without thinking about it. Skål!

I’m so over Christmas.

I almost wish I didn’t celebrate it because I’m so tired of hearing about it that it makes it hard for me to get excited about it. Why? Two reasons.

Part 1 – Digiscrapping: The Great Holiday Buzzkill

October was all about Halloween. November was all about Thanksgiving. December is all about Christmas. That’s three solid months of hearing about nothing but holidays.

For those of you who aren’t digiscrappers, here’s some background. There are lots of communities out there for people into digital scrapbooking, based around specific designers, stores, styles of scrapping, etc. and they have challenges. Most of the time, these challenges earn you participation prizes and/or some type of credit you can save up to redeem for stuff, but the main purpose of them, really, is to inspire you.

I’ve been doing challenges on various sites since May, and they’re usually really good at doing what they’re intended to do. They get me to think of things I might not have otherwise, to experiment with new styles, to approach my layouts in new ways, and get out of my comfort zone. Hooray for challenges!

Until October.

Part of the problem is that, for whatever reason, despite the fact that Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are at the end of their respective months, challenges about them start coming at you right at the beginning. I have nothing to scrap about Halloween until it happens. Maybe there’s a party a few days before or something, but generally speaking, before October 31st, I don’t have much to say about Halloween. Even if I make a layout about the making of the costume or something, that’s one layout and not a month’s worth of challenges. Then on the 31st, I take a bunch of pictures and have lots to say, but the very next day everyone’s asking me to scrap Thanksgiving! What. The. Hell.

By the time Thanksgiving actually rolled around, I’d been asked to scrap what I’m thankful for so many times, that the thing I was most thankful for was that Thanksgiving was ending! (And I haven’t even touched the fact that there’s only one country in the world that celebrates Thanksgiving in November, and these communities? Yeah, they involve people from OTHER countries too.)

And now it’s the same with Christmas. Scrap in red and green! Scrap your Christmas traditions! Scrap your hoiday décor! Christmas is in a week, and I’ve basically done nothing worth scrapping about it. Perhaps that makes me really strange, but I still don’t get how you pull a full month of challenges out of Christmas before it even happens. And I don’t think I’m the only one, because hardly anyone seems to be doing these challenges. Take a clue, people! Let us scrap Thanksgiving in December, and Christmas in January.

Or *shock and horror* make the challenges flexible enough that I can scrap whatever needs scrapping. Seriously, requiring that I put Christmas in the title of my layout or use Christmas colors doesn’t leave much wiggle room for people who don’t celebrate Christmas, much less the ones that do so, you know, on Christmas Day, instead of all bloody month long.

Part 2 – What do you MEAN “people who don’t celebrate Christmas?”

Oh yeah. I went there. I’m a Happy Holidayser.

All these people pretending there’s a war on Christmas are starting to piss me off.

I celebrate Christmas. I’m not offended when people tell me, “Merry Christmas.” I make things easier on myself by taking these sorts of greetings in the spirit they’re intended. If someone tells me “Happy Hannukah” and they think I actually celebrate Hannukah, and they aren’t being snarky about it, then I’m not offended. I’ll smile and say thank you.

I’m also not offended by “Happy Holidays” or “Season’s Greetings.” Why the hell would I be? I just don’t get it. Am I supposed to be UPSET that someone either a) failed to assume what my personal traditions are or b) just gets sick of saying the same exact phrase over and over and so mixes it up a bit? (That’s what I did when I worked retail.) Why? I’ve got better things to do than give a crap what greeting you choose to give me in the month of December.

I do think it’s possible to go too far with being “PC.” The “holiday trees” or “family trees” thing was pretty silly. There’s only one holiday where people decorate evergreen trees in December, so just go ahead and call them Christmas trees. (I’ve not seen any convincing evidence that they’re pagan in origin. If you want to correct me, give me a real, trusted source, and not some random website, and especially not that verse in Jeremiah 10.) But even then, I don’t see how failing to use the word “Christmas” is an affront to anyone. If I say “Happy Holidays” to you, does it in ANY WAY AT ALL hamper your efforts to celebrate Christmas? Of course not. Want to celebrate Christmas. Fine. So do I. So go ahead. No one is stopping you.

There is no war on Christmas. The only thing people have a beef with, is when the American government gets involved in religion. Newsflash: you don’t need the government to erect a tree for you! You can do it yourself! There’s private property friggin’ everywhere! So put up your own tree, decorate it, dance around it, do whatever you want to do, and we’re all happy for you. The fact that the mayor, governor, or president didn’t do it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate Christmas. And if you are the mayor, the governor, or the president, you can still put up a tree too! On your own property. Want to celebrate Christmas? Fine. So do I. So go ahead. No one is stopping you.

How the debate about religious symbols on government property got people to thinking they couldn’t say “Merry Christmas” on their own personal blogs or with their own personal mouths, I don’t know. If you say “Merry Christmas” on your blog, and I see it, I will smile and say thank you. Unless you follow it up with “Oh yeah. I went there.” and a mini-rant about a fake war on your rights. (And yes, I did read this in a blog recently. And a digiscrap blog, of all bloody places.) That just makes you look like an ass.

If you celebrate Christmas, Merry Christmas to you. If you celebrate some other holiday, happy holidays to you. And if you don’t celebrate anything at all, have a really fabulous week, just because you deserve it.

Sixthly (still continuing!), Thomas and I won a contest!

When we arrived at the party, all the adults received a sheet of paper with trivia questions on it. It said to answer the questions and submit the paper by 4:20. The party started at 3.

Thomas accused me of cheating, but it didn’t say anywhere on the paper that I couldn’t use my iPhone to google all the questions. Plus I think having to figure out what the questions were even asking put me at a handicap. Anyway, I found all the answers. The questions were things like, “On what day to Italian children get candy in their stockings?” and they were multiple choice. Once I found all the answers and them marked on my sheet, I put them on Thomas’ sheet too.

I didn’t know what we were playing for. Since it was an adult competition, I thought maybe we’d get a bottle of wine, or some movie tickets.

As we were leaving, we saw a big easel with a list of names on it. Thomas asked what it was, and we were told it was all the winners from the trivia contest. Both of our names were on there, but we had different prizes listed for us. I’m not sure how they decided what prizes went to whom, and I don’t know what all the possible prizes were, but we got two different prizes. Neither of them were prizes I was expecting.

I’m not complaining, but I do think it’s weird. What would you give as prizes for a contest like this? If you thought…

a regulation-sized basketball hoop, a child-sized basketball, and a child-sized soccer ball

and/or High School Musical 3 Mystery Date board game

then you may have a future in Thomas’ company!

And if you were wondering, yes, those balls do say “Crocoroo” on them.

No transitional forms? Ha! Take that, creationists!

Last week’s FFF on poop was by far and away my most commented-on post ever. (Unfortunately, there doesn’t seem to be a way to combine posts made on my blog with posts made on Facebook in any way, but trust me…that’s the winning post.) Since y’all are so into poop, I’m sticking with the theme, at least for one more week. If it goes just as well, who knows? Scatological Sunday in our future? Only time will tell.

Bean continues not to be interested in the potty, which is fine. But it’s there if she changes her mind. In the meantime, she poops in pull-ups. Some people have questioned this, because pull-ups are seen as a transition to potty independence. Surely if we’re using pull-ups, then we’re potty training.

It’s much more basic than that. A pull-up is just a diaper that is easier to get on my child. That’s it. Ever since she’s been standing on her own, she’s been wanting to do so as much as possible. Which means that at about 5 months, she started throwing fits about having to lie down for a diaper change. I saw no reason to fight with her about whether she should lie down or stand up for a diaper change. As long as I can remove the soiled diaper, I have access to the bits that need cleaning, and I can put a clean diaper on, the angle at which he body is oriented in relation to the floor is not important. When she’s standing, it’s easier to put a pull-up on her. That’s that. I’ve not noticed an appreciable difference in removing a regular diaper versus a pull-up, since the sides still undo. So pull-ups it is.

When she was a newborn, we had some diaper covers that go on the same way pull-ups do, and those were just stupid. A newborn on her back, kicking her legs, has no need for a pull-up or pant-style cover. Aren’t trousers enough of a PITA? Who invents these things? But for my on-the-go, walking upright toddler (can I call her that now? We’ve started going to Mums & Tots playgroup instead of Bumps & Babies…) I am pro-pull-up.

And I guess that idea is frankly foreign to someone or people would ask me about it.

My daughter refuses to sit on a potty or be held over one. I know, you’re probably thinking that she’s way too young anyway, but she did go in the sink for the first few months of her life. We were doing elimination communication, or infant potty training, and it went quite well for a while. Then Bean went on a potty strike, which is not uncommon, and is a much-discussed topic amongst EC parents. After a certain amount of time, T and I just decided to let it go, or we got lazy, or something. Anyway, gradually it just wasn’t something we were doing anymore.

I thought I’d try again, because it’s pretty obvious that she knows when she poops. And every time it happens, she walks over to me and makes a display of it. If she could talk, she’d be saying, “Mama, I’m pooping.” Even though she’s not talking much yet, it’s pretty obvious. So hey, maybe if I put her on a potty…

Nope. She’ll have none of that. She cries and thrashes about as if the potty were a medieval torture device. She is dead set on pooping only while standing up, and she definitely does not mean standing while straddling a potty. I can take her diaper off and let her poop onto the diaper from afar, but that’s as close as we’re getting.

That’s all fine and dandy with me. She can poop in her diaper if that’s what makes her happy, at least at this age. But, I wish I knew what was going on in her mind. Why is she so anti-potty? I’m not particularly concerned about it, but I’m curious. I know that personally, I quite like not pooping in my own shorts. I’m just sayin’.